New Harry Potter Book Not as Good as Man's Fan Fiction

Madison, WI- The much anticipated release of the sixth and second to last, installment of the Harry Potter series, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, did not live up to the expectations of local resident Alcibiates Miller. Miller, 23, currently a Graduate Student at the University of Wisconsin, voiced his disappointment at the plot of the newly released book.

"The book was good, I admit. I just believe that my fan-fiction version of Harry Potter's sixth year at Hogwarts was superior." Miller announced to reporters at a press conference he held on Sunday after reading the latest volume of the Potter saga.

When a reporter questioned Miller as to his complaints against this most recent of J.K. Rowling's novels, Miller, explained his problems with the book.

"Firstly, it was very light on [Professor] Lupin, who I believe that according to the Supreme Court kicks-ass. I also disliked the increasing lack of Quidditch coverage. I did, however, like the increased development of the Harry-Dumbledore relationship."

Miller, who began writing his version of Harry Potter's sixth adventure after he finished reading Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix during the summer of 2003, had to make huge revisions after the announcement of the title of the newly released Harry Potter book, but still managed to complete his version in March of this year. Miller closed the press conference by saying,

"I have a comparative list of occurrences in my Half-Blood Prince and, happenings in Rowling's if you have any other questions."

Miller's version of the Half-Blood Prince is available from Random House publishing for $24.95.

We have re-printed Miller's list, which contains spoilers, which we have attempted to minimize.


Miller-Remus Lupin becomes Minister
of Magic

Rowling-Rufus Scrimgeour becomes Minister of Magic

Miller- Harry leaves the Dursley's after beating
Dudley in a Pie Eating contest

Rowling-Dumbledore arbitrarily takes Harry
to the Weasley's

Miller-A Mad-Eye Moody robot teaches
Defense Against The Dark Arts

Rowling-Snape is the new Defense Against
the Dark Arts teacher

Miller-Snape eats a first year to show
students not to mess with him
Rowling-Snape takes points from Gryffindor
because Harry is tardy


Miller-The Half-Blood Prince is an actual
Prince

Rowling-The Half-Blood Prince is a former
Hogwarts student

Miller-Every single Quidditch match is told
with breath-taking detail

Rowling-One Quidditch is matched described,
and not very well

Miller-Harry awkwardly loses his virginity

Rowling-Harry briefly dates Ginny Weasley
Miller-Voldemort was well-adjusted, despite
being raised in a crappy orphanage

Rowling-Being raised in an orphanage in addition
to a crappy family back round, messed
Voldemort up

Miller-Voldemort kills Barnabus Jenkins,
Harry's Friend who is introduced
in this novel, and is an excellent
Quidditch player

Rowling- _________ kills __________ while
Harry looks on with horror unable
to do anything


Miller-Sirius Black isn't really dead, he
returns and kicks Voldemort's ass,
so that Harry is saved from mortal
peril once more


Rowling-Sirius Black stays dead


Miller-The Half-Blood Prince is
Fibblewort Aberswyth the Prince
of Bulogne, a Wizard with extraordinary
powers

Rowling-____________ is the Half-Blood Prince,
which is revealed after he/she kills
______________