Point-Counterpoint: Poverty

Please Sir, Spare a Quid?

By Rufus Walpole, Beggar

'ello good sir. 'ow are you and the Misses this fine evening. Now I was hoping that a fine gent like yourself, would be able to help me. You and your beautiful wife are surely well-off. You see I used to be the best bootblack in all of Whitechapel, 'owever due to circumstances beyond my control I've become unemployed and been forced live without a home for nigh on two years, and I was wondering if you would spare a pound. I'll take something else, Sixpence, a handful of Guineas, some shillings, anything really. Please kind lady, help old feller out. I really need your 'elp. All you 'ave do is show me a little of your kindness and I'll go away, that's the last that you'll see of old Rufie Walpole. Then I will go along my merry way to live the last days of my 'orrible live amongst the streetwalkers and pickpockets. You'll never 'ear another word out of me as long as I live. Please kind sir, lovely madam, spare me a quid?

Get Away From Me Rapscallion!

Sir Gareth Salisbury, Earl of Kent

Good sir! I demand that you get your hands away from me and my beautiful bride forthwith. Have you any idea in that small empty head of yours who we are, young waif? I am none other than the honourable Sir Gareth Salisbury, Earl of Kent, and this is my wife Countess Charlotte. Yes, I know she is lovely, however, that is beside the point. No young ruffian, I will not endeavour to share some of my unearned riches with you. Why not? It is an unsound investment, that's why. You'll probably spend my money on something wasteful and temporary, perhaps, two Shepard's pies, three sausages and a pint of Ale at Admiral Higgenbottom's Pub. I'd rather endow my monies into a mine of some sort or perhaps paying foreigners to build railroads. Perhaps, you should look into becoming gainfully employed, like a fine upstanding young man. Now if you'd kindly leave us be, we are on our way to view a delightful new Operetta from Mssrs. Gilbert & Sullivan. Sir, if you continue molesting my Lady and I, I will be forced to take action. I have a good mind to rap you with my cane. Off with you ruffian!