GOP Gains Control Following Student Body Elections
Olympia, WA- Following student body elections, at The Evergreen State College, it was revealed that the Republican Party had gained control of the campus’s student body government, Monday.
The GOP, whose total representation in the government had previously 5 of a possible 25 seats, revealed that after the weekend’s election, they now control 18 of 25 seats, and now possess a commanding majority.
Shocked that the results of the usually left-leaning elections went so strongly to the Republican’s, the heads of the other parties representing the students of The Evergreen State College, released a statement to all major media outlets.
“We are amazed at the results of the recent elections. The idea that a campus so devoted to progressive ideals, would be represented by members of the Republican Party seems absurd, at this time however, truth is stranger than fiction,” read the statement signed by Democratic minority whip Arthur “Goldie” Cole, Anarchist Cyrus Harris, and Socialist leader Eugene V. Debs VI.
The Republican’s victory has been attributed to several deft political maneuvers.
The party poured considerable funds and effort into the campaign, flooding the media with attack-ads against other candidates, as well as bringing in President George W. Bush, to campaign relentlessly on behalf of the candidates. These efforts overwhelmed the campus, whose liberal views were no match student body‘s voter apathy.
The republican’s were able to tap into traditional liberal strongholds, winning with voters who occupy modular housing, buildings F,G,H,I,M,N,P,Q,T, and U. All of these in addition to the Republican strongholds apartment buildings D and B, which for many years were the only buildings to elect Republican representation.
Also responsible for the resounding victory were the republican’s ability to tap into voting blocks, though “NASCAR Dads” and “Soccer Moms” were the blocks of past national elections, the GOP saw this as a perfect time to work with new voting blocks. The Republicans viewed this election as an opportunity to experiment ways through which they could discover how to reach out to young, traditionally liberal voters. The party went after a block they have dubbed “High Teens“, a block, who in their state of intoxication, were highly susceptible to suggestion, which led them to vote for candidates they otherwise would have abhorred.
When reached for comment Republican party head Horace Washington said, “In addition to the reasons outlined in our recent press release, we believe that part of our victory sprouted from the fact that the vast array of left-leaning party candidates split the liberal vote. Had there only been candidates from one of the parties, there might not have been such a large land slide in out favor.”
The new GOP headed government at The Evergreen State College will have to contend with the school’s liberal Judiciary.
The GOP, whose total representation in the government had previously 5 of a possible 25 seats, revealed that after the weekend’s election, they now control 18 of 25 seats, and now possess a commanding majority.
Shocked that the results of the usually left-leaning elections went so strongly to the Republican’s, the heads of the other parties representing the students of The Evergreen State College, released a statement to all major media outlets.
“We are amazed at the results of the recent elections. The idea that a campus so devoted to progressive ideals, would be represented by members of the Republican Party seems absurd, at this time however, truth is stranger than fiction,” read the statement signed by Democratic minority whip Arthur “Goldie” Cole, Anarchist Cyrus Harris, and Socialist leader Eugene V. Debs VI.
The Republican’s victory has been attributed to several deft political maneuvers.
The party poured considerable funds and effort into the campaign, flooding the media with attack-ads against other candidates, as well as bringing in President George W. Bush, to campaign relentlessly on behalf of the candidates. These efforts overwhelmed the campus, whose liberal views were no match student body‘s voter apathy.
The republican’s were able to tap into traditional liberal strongholds, winning with voters who occupy modular housing, buildings F,G,H,I,M,N,P,Q,T, and U. All of these in addition to the Republican strongholds apartment buildings D and B, which for many years were the only buildings to elect Republican representation.
Also responsible for the resounding victory were the republican’s ability to tap into voting blocks, though “NASCAR Dads” and “Soccer Moms” were the blocks of past national elections, the GOP saw this as a perfect time to work with new voting blocks. The Republicans viewed this election as an opportunity to experiment ways through which they could discover how to reach out to young, traditionally liberal voters. The party went after a block they have dubbed “High Teens“, a block, who in their state of intoxication, were highly susceptible to suggestion, which led them to vote for candidates they otherwise would have abhorred.
When reached for comment Republican party head Horace Washington said, “In addition to the reasons outlined in our recent press release, we believe that part of our victory sprouted from the fact that the vast array of left-leaning party candidates split the liberal vote. Had there only been candidates from one of the parties, there might not have been such a large land slide in out favor.”
The new GOP headed government at The Evergreen State College will have to contend with the school’s liberal Judiciary.
posted by Patrick at 2:15 PM
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