Hurricanes Sets Back South’s Rising Again 30 years
Richmond, VA-The aftermath of Hurricanes Rita and Katrina have pushed back southern efforts to “rise again“ by 30 years, Truman Parker, the President of the Confederate States of America, announced on Monday.
Parker, who was elected to a second term in 2003, had remained silent on the subject since it occurred last month, broke his silence yesterday when he gave a speech at the Confederate Capitol.
“Though the date of seccession, had been set for summer 2010, because of recent events we believe that the earliest possible date for the Confederacy’s return to power will be Fall/Winter 2040” Parker announced before a special joint session of the Confederate Congress.
Parker also announced that the Confederate government would be providing an economic stimulus package for the sum of 250 million [Confederate] Dollars. The stimulus package is an attempt to rehablitate industry in the states affected by last month’s hurricanes. This would be of great assistance to the souths two major industries, both of which are based on the Gulf Coast.
Richmond insiders speculate that 1/3 or roughly 83 million dollars, of the monies set aside by the government will be used to help with the recovery of their textile industry. They speculate that the remaining 167 million dollars will be used to assist their primary industry, producing paraphanalia adorned with the Confederate Battle Standard or “Southern Cross”, which many people mistakenly believe to be the CSA’s flag.
Roscoe L. Breckinridge, a Nobel Prize winning economist and professor at The University of Chicago, believes that the money will be used to help additional sectors of the Confederate economy.
“A good deal of money will, most likely be put into the production and release of several [stand-up comedian] ‘Larry the Cable Guy’ records. In a similar vein they will probably put money into the production of various products bearing [his catch-phrase] ’Git-R-Done’” Breckinridge said in a phone interview from Chicago.
The economic stimulus bill is expected to be introduced into both the House and the Senate in the next week.
Parker, who was elected to a second term in 2003, had remained silent on the subject since it occurred last month, broke his silence yesterday when he gave a speech at the Confederate Capitol.
“Though the date of seccession, had been set for summer 2010, because of recent events we believe that the earliest possible date for the Confederacy’s return to power will be Fall/Winter 2040” Parker announced before a special joint session of the Confederate Congress.
Parker also announced that the Confederate government would be providing an economic stimulus package for the sum of 250 million [Confederate] Dollars. The stimulus package is an attempt to rehablitate industry in the states affected by last month’s hurricanes. This would be of great assistance to the souths two major industries, both of which are based on the Gulf Coast.
Richmond insiders speculate that 1/3 or roughly 83 million dollars, of the monies set aside by the government will be used to help with the recovery of their textile industry. They speculate that the remaining 167 million dollars will be used to assist their primary industry, producing paraphanalia adorned with the Confederate Battle Standard or “Southern Cross”, which many people mistakenly believe to be the CSA’s flag.
Roscoe L. Breckinridge, a Nobel Prize winning economist and professor at The University of Chicago, believes that the money will be used to help additional sectors of the Confederate economy.
“A good deal of money will, most likely be put into the production and release of several [stand-up comedian] ‘Larry the Cable Guy’ records. In a similar vein they will probably put money into the production of various products bearing [his catch-phrase] ’Git-R-Done’” Breckinridge said in a phone interview from Chicago.
The economic stimulus bill is expected to be introduced into both the House and the Senate in the next week.
posted by Patrick at 8:04 PM
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