Op-Ed: The Old Fart Cometh

Where's The World Of Tomorrow

R. Merlyn Farnsworth
Crotchety Old Man

I have seen many marvelous things in this long life of mine. I've seen things come to pass that I could never imagine, more times than I can count. I've also been able to see many inventions that were at one time Science Fiction become Science Fact. There is, however on problem. There are a lot of things that haven’t happened.

Firstly, where the hell is my Jet-Pack!?!?! Back when I was a kid you couldn't listen to the radio without every other schmuck and his uncle having a Jet-Pack. Where are they? Surrre, we went to the moon, broke the sound-barrier, invented computers smaller and faster than we could have imagined 60 years ago. Yeah, now we have stealth technology, and cellular phones and all that other shit that was on Star Trek, but what about the thing that really matters; personal transportation devices. All those other contraptions have come to pass, and to get around the best that humanity has is the Segway "Human Transporter".

Secondly, why don't I live in space?!?! When I was a youngin' me and the gang… you know, the boys, Schmidtty, Schmul, Jackie, Stinky, and Bobby, well, we all knew that we'd be living on space colonies. I was going to live on Mars, and be an Architect, designing wonderful Art-Deco reminiscent buildings for the cities of Mars. I'd cruise the planet's surface in my bubble-topped hover-car, and then enter the welcoming bubble of the Martian capital of Shackleton, for lunch with the planetary Governor, my old friend, the Honorable Schmul Meier; where we would feed upon the finest Chazwozzle's courtesy of Governor of Venus, Schuyler "Stinky" Stinkovitch. Today though, I sit in a house my rich son, bought me, living on a generous stipend and the money I invested during my years of work, my only companions being my beloved Basset Hound Turold and my loving wife Marilyn.

Here's another question I have, why are we still using guns? Everyone, whether it was Buck Rogers or Flash Gordon or Pip Johnston, they all used ray-guns, to solve problems and maintain the laws of the 21^st, 22^nd,& 25^th centuries. Why hasn't man in all it's wisdom, learned to use the power of the Lazar to fight the battles of today and tomorrow. It's cheap, safe, and not to mention clean, it's obviously a huge advance over the weapons of my youth as well as the slightly more sophisticated weapons of today.

Maybe I wasn't meant to live a wonderful life of ease and luxury in the world of tomorrow. I just hope that humanity gets its act together, so my grandchildren don't have to live through the expectation and then soul-crushing disappointment of their dreams for the future failing to pass. I need a nap!